英女王多少岁 英女王请专人“驯服”新鞋 看看你能否拿下这份工作

英女王请专人“驯服”新鞋 看看你能否拿下这份工作  

How much do you love the Queen? This is a serious question. I am serious. A test of loyalty to our Queen is nigh.
I love the Queen dearly
as if she were my own grandmother – but even I questioned the latest job vacancy at Buckingham Palace.
Throw me in the Tower and feed the key to Prince Andrew
because this is where I draw the line: I would not be the Royal Shoe Breaker-Inner.
如果将我丢到伦敦塔，让我天天给安德鲁王子递钥匙，我还可以接受。但是我的底线是，我绝对不会去做专门帮女王把鞋子穿软这种尊贵的王室工作。
According to the Standard
the Queen has hired such a Royal Shoe Breaker-Inner: someone to walk around the palace's hallowed hallways every time she gets a new pair of kicks
in order to prevent royal blisters from forming. A footman
if you will. Or foooman. Plastering up your broken flesh with Boots' finest wouldn't be very regal
after all.
I have just spent plenty of time reading conjecture about the Queen’s shoe size
and at risk of depriving you of the chance to take this journey for yourself – I apologise! – she is a size 4.
So: a wearer of size 4 feet (who are you? If you are reading
make yourself known) has been hired for the task. At this very moment
this humble
honourable creature
by now half-woman
half-heel sore
could already be tramping around the drawing room in the Queen’s favourite ￡1
000 patent leather Anello & Davides. Soft yet? Good. Here’s another pair.
Given that the nature of the job may require people with fully-functioning tootsies to step into the breach at a moment's notice
what credentials might the ideal applicant require? Luckily
we have obtained the job advertisement they last used. Peruse it thoroughly
and next time the position opens up
you will be what they call a shoo-in.
Royal shoe breaker-inner. No
really! This is legit! Keep reading!
Competitive. Have you been a shoe breaker-inner before? No? Then why do you think you should start your career at Buckingham Palace? This should be the culmination of your career. You will be the envy of millions. Go to shoe-breaker-inner college and do the time.
Buckingham Palace. Up the stairs
down the corridors
around the garden. You might say you will be following in the Queen’s footsteps.
You need to have broken in some tough shoes. I am not talking slippers. I am talking pointy-toed patent leather stilettos
taken out of the box and then worn for the duration of a 48-hour shift on a farmyard. Are you tough as old boots? You must be tougher. You must be older and tougher than tough old boots. And you must be size 4. This is important.
Warning: Must not have smelly feet. This is very important.