追风筝的人阿塞夫结局 残忍而美丽的情谊:The Kite Runner 追风筝的人(81)

残忍而美丽的情谊:The Kite Runner 追风筝的人(81)  

“Just go.” He had me park at the south end of the street. He reached in his coat pocket and handed me a set of keys. “There
” he said
pointing to the car in front of us. It was an old model Ford
long and wide
a dark color I couldn’t discern in the moon light. “It needs painting
and I’ll have one of the guys at the station put in new shocks
but it runs.”
I took the keys
stunned. I looked from him to the car.
“You’ll need it to go to college
” he said.
I took his hand in mine. Squeezed it. My eyes were tearing over and I was glad for the shadows that hid our faces. “Thank you
Baba.”
We got out and sat inside the Ford. It was a Grand Torino. Navy blue
Baba said. I drove it around the block
testing the brakes
the radio
the turn signals. I parked it in the lot of our apartment building and shut off the engine. “Tashakor
Baba jan
” I said. I wanted to say more
tell him how touched I was by his act of kindness
how much I appreciated all that he had done for me
all that he was still doing. But I knew I’d embarrass him. “Tashakor
” I repeated instead.
He smiled and leaned back against the headrest
his forehead almost touching the ceiling. We didn’t say anything. Just sat in the dark
listened to the tink-tink of the engine cooling
the wail of a siren in the distance. Then Baba rolled his head toward me. “I wish Hassan had been with us today
” he said.
A pair of steel hands closed around my windpipe at the sound of Hassan’s name. I rolled down the window. Waited for the steel hands to loosen their grip.
I WOULD ENROLL in junior college classes in the fall
I told Baba the day after graduation. He was drinking cold black tea and chewing cardamom seeds
his personal trusted antidote for hang over headaches.
“I think I’ll major in English
” I said. I winced inside
waiting for his reply.
“English?”
“Creative writing.”
He considered this. Sipped his tea. “Stories
you mean. You’ll make up stories.” I looked down at my feet.
“They pay for that
making up stories?”
“If you’re good
” I said. “And if you get discovered.”
“How likely is that
getting discovered?”
“It happens
” I said.
He nodded. “And what will you do while you wait to get good and get discovered? How will you earn money? If you marry
how will you support your khanum?”
I couldn’t lift my eyes to meet his. “I’ll... find a job.”
“Oh
” he said. “Wah wah! So
if I understand
you’ll study several years to earn a degree
then you’ll get a chatti job like mine
one you could just as easily land today
on the small chance that your degree might someday help you get... discovered.” He took a deep breath and sipped his tea. Grunted something about medical school
law school
and “real work.”
My cheeks burned and guilt coursed through me
the guilt of indulging myself at the expense of his ulcer
his black fingernails and aching wrists. But I would stand my ground
I decided. I didn’t want to sacrifice for Baba anymore. The last time I had done that
I had damned myself.
Baba sighed and
this time
tossed a whole handful of car damom seeds in his mouth.