悉达多悟到了什么 名著精读:《悉达多》-在河边(6)

名著精读:《悉达多》-在河边(6)  

"Things are going downhill with you!" he said to himself
and laughed about it
and as he was saying it
he happened to glance at the river
and he also saw the river going downhill
always moving on downhill
and singing and being happy through it all. He liked this well
kindly he smiled at the river. Was this not the river in which he had intended to drown himself
in past times
a hundred years ago
or had he dreamed this?
Wondrous indeed was my life
so he thought
wondrous detours it has taken. As I boy
I had only to do with gods and offerings. As a youth
I had only to do with asceticism
with thinking and meditation
was searching for Brahman
worshipped the eternal in the Atman. But as a young man
I followed the penitents
lived in the forest
suffered of heat and frost
learned to hunger
taught my body to bee dead. Wonderfully
soon afterwards
insight came towards me in the form of the great Buddha's teachings
I felt the knowledge of the oneness of the world circling in me like my own blood. But I also had to leave Buddha and the great knowledge. I went and learned the art of love with Kamala
learned trading with Kamaswami
piled up money
wasted money
learned to love my stomach
learned to please my senses. I had to spend many years losing my spirit
to unlearn thinking again
to fet the oneness. Isn't it just as if I had turned slowly and on a long detour from a man into a child
from a thinker into a childlike person? And yet
this path has been very good; and yet
the bird in my chest has not died. But what a path has this been! I had to pass through so much stupidity
through so much vices
through so many errors
through so much disgust and disappointments and woe
just to bee a child again and to be able to start over. But it was right so
my heart says "Yes" to it
my eyes smile to it. I've had to experience despair
I've had to sink down to the most foolish one of all thoughts
to the thought of suicide
in order to be able to experience divine grace
to hear Om again
to be able to sleep properly and awake properly again. I had to bee a fool
to find Atman in me again. I had to sin
to be able to live again. Where else might my path lead me to? It is foolish
this path
it moves in loops
perhaps it is going around in a circle. Let it go as it likes
I want to to take it.
Wonderfully
he felt joy rolling like waves in his chest.
Wherever from
he asked his heart
where from did you get this happiness? Might it e from that long
good sleep
which has done me so good? Or from the word Om
which I said? Or from the fact that I have escaped
that I have pletely fled
that I am finally free again and am standing like a child under the sky? Oh how good is it to have fled
to have bee free! How clean and beautiful is the air here
how good to breathe! There
where I ran away from
there everything smelled of ointments
of spices
of wine
of excess
of sloth. How did I hate this world of the rich
of those who revel in fine food
of the gamblers! How did I hate myself for staying in this terrible world for so long! How did I hate myself
have deprive
poisoned
tortured myself
have made myself old and evil! No
never again I will
as I used to like doing so much
delude myself into thinking that Siddhartha was wise! But this one thing I have done well
this I like
this I must praise
that there is now an end to that hatred against myself
to that foolish and dreary life! I praise you
Siddhartha
after so many years of foolishness
you have once again had an idea
have done something
have heard the bird in your chest singing and have followed it!