美食祈祷恋爱影评 《美食祈祷和恋爱》Chapter 64 (142):我的天性

《美食祈祷和恋爱》Chapter 64 (142):我的天性  

So what is my natural character? I love studying in this Ashram
but my dream of finding divinity by gliding silently through the place with a gentle
ethereal smile—who is that person? That's probably someone I saw on a TV show. The reality is
it's a little sad for me to admit that I will never be that character. I've always been so fascinated by these wraith-like
delicate souls. Always wanted to be the quiet girl. Probably precisely because I'm not. It's the same reason I think that thick
dark hair is so beautiful—precisely because I don't have it
because I can't have it. But at some point you have to make peace with what you were given and if God wanted me to be a shy girl with thick
dark hair
He would have made me that way
but He didn't. Useful
then
might be to accept how I was made and embody myself fully therein.
Or
as Sextus
the ancient Pythagorian philospher
said
"The wise man is always similar to himself."
This doesn't mean I cannot be devout. It doesn't mean I can't be thoroughly tumbled and humbled with God's love. This does not mean I cannot serve humanity. It doesn't mean I can't improve myself as a human being
honing my virtues and working daily to minimize my vices. For instance
I'm never going to be a wallflower
but that doesn't mean I can't take a serious look at my talking habits and alter some aspects for the better—working within my personality. Yes
I like talking
but perhaps I don't have to curse so much
and perhaps I don't always have to go for the cheap laugh
and maybe I don't need to talk about myself quite so constantly. Or here's a radical concept—maybe I can stop interrupting others when they are speaking. Because no matter how creatively I try to look at my habit of interrupting
I can't find another way to see it than this: "I believe that what I am saying is more important than what you are saying." And I can't find another way to see that than: "I believe that I am more important than you." And that must end.
这并不是说，我无法做虔诚的人。这不是说，我无法谦恭地看待神的爱。这不是说，我无法贡献人类。这不是说，我无法改善自己的人性，磨练美德，天天努力，减轻自己的罪过。比方说，我永远当不成壁花，但这并不是说我没法认真看待自己的说话习惯，改善自己的某些部分——在自己的人格范围内进行努力。是的，我爱说话，但或许我没必要咒骂自己，或许我只是没必要老是开没营养的玩笑。或许我没必要老是谈自己。或者，更激进的想法是——或许我不该在他人讲话时打断他们。因为无论我多么想创造性地看待这种打断他人的恶习，其实自己的看法却是“我认为我讲的话比你讲的话重要”；也就是“我认为我比你重要”。这必须终止。
All these changes would be useful to make. But even so
even with reasonable modifications to my speaking habits
I probably won't ever be known as That Quiet Girl. No matter how pretty a picture that is and no matter how hard I try. Because let's be really honest about who we're dealing with here. When the woman at the Ashram Seva Center gave me my new job assignment of Key Hostess
she said
"We have a special nickname for this position
you know. We call it ‘Little Suzy Creamcheese
' because whoever does the job needs to be social and bubbly and smiling all the time."
What could I say?
I just stuck out a hand to shake
bade a silent farewell to all my wishful old delusions and announced
"Madam—I'm your girl." Eat
Pray
Love