莫言什么时候获得诺贝尔文学 诺贝尔文学经典:《宠儿》第15章Part2

诺贝尔文学经典:《宠儿》第15章Part2  

"I did it. I got us all out. Without Halle too. Up till then it was the only thing I ever did on my ded. And it came off right
like it was supposed to. We was here. Each and every one of mybabies and me too. I birthed them and I got em out and it wasn't no accident. I did that. I had help
of course
lots of that
but still it was me doing it; me saying
Go on
and Now. Me having to lookout. Me using my own head. But it was more than that. It was a kind of selfishness I never knewnothing about before. It felt good. Good and right. I was big
Paul D
and deep and wide and whenI stretched out my arms all my children could get in beeen. I was that wide. Look like I lovedem more after I got here. Or maybe I couldn't love em proper in Kentucky because they wasn'tmine to love. But when I got here
when I jumped down off that wagon — there wasn't nobody inthe world I couldn't love if I wanted to. You know what I mean?"
Paul D did not answer becauseshe didn't expect or want him to
but he did know what she meant. Listening to the doves in Alfred
Geia
and having neither the right nor the permission to enjoy it because in that place mist
doves
sunlight
copper dirt
moon — -every thing belonged to the men who had the guns. Littlemen
some of them
big men too
each one of whom he could snap like a ig if he wanted to. Menwho knew their manhood lay in their guns and were not even embarrassed by the knowledge thaithout gunshot fox would laugh at them. And these "men" who made even vixen laugh could
ifyou let them
stop you from hearing doves or loving moonlight. So you protected yourself andloved small. Picked the tiniest stars out of the sky to own; lay down with head isted in order tosee the loved one over the rim of the trench before you slept. Stole shy glances at her beeen thetrees at chain-up. Grass blades
salamanders
spiders
woodpeckers
beetles
a kingdom of ants. Anything bigger wouldn't do. A woman
achild
a brother — a big love like that would split you wide open in Alfred
Geia. He knew exactly what she meant: to get to a place where you couldlove anything you chose — not to need permission for desire — well now
that was freedom.
Circling
circling
now she was gnawing something else instead of getting to the point.