爱情美食与祈祷 《美食祈祷和恋爱》Chapter 16 (30):被寂寞逮捕

《美食祈祷和恋爱》Chapter 16 (30):被寂寞逮捕  

Then they friskme. They empty my pockets of any joy I had been carrying there. Depression even confiscatesmy identity; but he always does that. Then Loneliness starts interrogating me
which I dread because it always goes on for hours. He's polite but relentless
and he always trips me up eventually. He asks if I have any reason to be happy that I know of. He asks why I am all by myself tonight
yet again. He asks (though we've been through this line of questioning hundreds of times already) why I can't keep a relationship going
why I ruined my marriage
why I messed things up with David
why I messed things up with every man I've ever been with. He asks me where I was the night I turned thirty
and why things have gone so sour since then. He asks why I can't get my act together
and why I'm not at home living in a nice house and raising nice children like any respectable woman my age should be. He asks why
exactly
I think I deserve a vacation in Rome when I've made such a rubble of my life. He asks me why I think that running away to Italy like a college kid will make me happy. He asks where I think I'll end up in my old age
if I keep living this way.
而后它们对我搜身。它们掏空我装在口袋里的喜悦。“抑郁 ”甚至扣押我的身份；但它向来如此。而后“寂寞”开始盘问我，实在让我不寒而栗，因为它总是持续好几个小时问个不停。它虽有礼貌，却很无情，最后总让我泄漏真情。它问我知不知道任何快乐的理由。它问我为何今晚又是独自一人。它问我（尽管这种盘问我们早已进行过数百次）为何无法持续一种关系，我为何毁了我的婚姻，我为何搞砸跟大卫的关系，我为何搞砸和每个曾跟我相处的男人的关系。它问我过三十岁生日时当晚人在哪里，为何情况从此每况愈下。他问我为何不能做好该做的事，为何不待在家中，住好房子，生儿育女，像同年龄的正常女子该做的那样。它问我把生活搞得一团糟之后，为何认为自己有权利来罗马度假。它问我为何以为像大学生那样逃到意大利就能让自己快乐。它问我如果我继续过这种生活，觉得自己老的时候有何下场。
I walk back home
hoping to shake them
but they keep following me
these o goons. Depression has a firm hand on my shoulder and Loneliness harangues me with his interrogation. I don't even bother eating dinner; I don't want them watching me. I don't want to let them up the stairs to my apartment
either
but I know Depression
and he's got a billy club
so there's no stopping him from ing in if he decides that he wants to.
我走回家，希望甩掉它们，但这两个暴徒继续跟踪我“抑郁”用一只手紧紧抓住我的肩“寂寞”语调激昂地盘问我。我甚至懒得吃晚饭；我不要它 们观看我。我也不想让它们上楼进我的公寓，但我知道“抑郁”持有警棍，无法阻止它进门，如果它决定这么做的话。
"It's not fair for you to e here
" I tell Depression. "I paid you off already. I served my time back in New York."
“你们到这里来，这不公平，”我告诉“抑郁”，“我欠你们的已经付清。我在纽约已服了刑。”
But he just gives me that dark smile
settles into my favorite chair
puts his feet on my table and lights a cigar
filling the place with his awful smoke. Loneliness watches and sighs
then climbs into my bed and pulls the covers over himself
fully dressed
shoes and all. He's going to make me sleep with him again tonight
I just know
Pray
Love
但它只是朝我阴险地笑，在我最喜欢的椅子上坐下，双脚搁在我的桌上，点了一根雪茄，可怕的烟雾弥漫了整个房间。“寂寞”看着这一切，叹了口气，而后爬上我的牀，盖上被单，穿戴齐全，鞋也没脱。今晚它又要逼我和它一起睡，我就晓得。