悉达多悟到了什么 名著精读:《悉达多》-轮回(2)

名著精读:《悉达多》-轮回(2)  

Siddhartha had learned to trade
to use his power over people
to enjoy himself with a woman
he had learned to wear beautiful clothes
to give orders to servants
to bathe in perfumed waters. He had learned to eat tenderly and carefully prepared food
even fish
even meat and poultry
spices and sweets
and to drink wine
which causes sloth and fetfulness. He had learned to play with dice and on a chess-board
to watch dancing girls
to have himself carried about in a sedan-chair
to sleep on a soft bed.

But still he had felt different from and superior to the others; always he had watched them with some mockery
some mocking disdain
with the same disdain which a Samana constantly feels for the people of the world. When Kamaswami was ailing
when he was annoyed
when he felt insulted
when he was vexed by his worries as a merchant
Siddhartha had always watched it with mockery. Just slowly and imperceptibly
as the harvest seasons and rainy seasons passed by
his mockery had bee more tired
his superiority had bee more quiet. Just slowly
among his growing riches
Siddhartha had assumed something of the childlike people's ways for himself
something of their childlikeness and of their fearfulness.

And yet
he envied them
envied them just the more
the more similar he became to them. He envied them for the one thing that was missing from him and that they had
the importance they were able to attach to their lives
the amount of passion in their joys and fears
the fearful but sweet happiness of being constantly in love. These people were all of the time in love with themselves
with women
with their children
with honours or money
with plans or hopes. But he did not learn this from them
this out of all things
this joy of a child and this foolishness of a child; he learned from them out of all things the unpleasant ones
which he himself despised. It happened more and more often that
in the morning after having had pany the night before
he stayed in bed for a long time
felt unable to think and tired. It happened that he became angry and impatient
when Kamaswami bored him with his worries. It happened that he laughed just too loud
when he lost a game of dice.

His face was still smarter and more spiritual than others
but it rarely laughed
and assumed
one after another
those features which are so often found in the faces of rich people
those features of discontent
of sickliness
of ill-humour
of sloth
of a lack of love. Slowly the disease of the soul
which rich people have
grabbed hold of a veil
like a thin mist
tiredness came over.