悉达多讲的什么 名著精读:《悉达多》-婆罗门之子(3)

名著精读:《悉达多》-婆罗门之子(3)  

Siddhartha had started to nurse discontent in himself
he had started to feel that the love of his father and the love of his mother
and also the love of his friend
Govinda
would not bring him joy for ever and ever
would not nurse him
feed him
satisfy him. He had started to suspect that his venerable father and his other teachers
that the wise Brahmans had already revealed to him the most and best of their wisdom
that they had already filled his expecting vessel with their richness
and the vessel was not full
the spirit was not content
the soul was not calm
the heart was not satisfied. The ablutions were good
but they were water
they did not wash off the sin
they did not heal the spirit's thirst
they did not relieve the fear in his heart. The sacrifices and the invocation of the gods were excellent--but was that all? Did the sacrifices give a happy fortune? And what about the gods? Was it really Prajapati who had created the world? Was it not the Atman
He
the only one
the singular one? Were the gods not creations
created like me and you
subject to time
mortal? Was it therefore good
was it right
was it meaningful and the highest occupation to make offerings to the gods? For whom else were offerings to be made
who else was to be worshipped but Him
the only one
the Atman? And where was Atman to be found
where did He reside
where did his eternal heart beat
where else but in one's own self
in its innermost part
in its indestructible part
which everyone had in himself? But where
where was this self
this innermost part
this ultimate part? It was not flesh and bone
it was neither thought nor consciousness
thus the wisest ones taught. So
where
where was it? To reach this place
the self
myself
the Atman
there was another way
which was worthwhile looking for? Alas
and nobody showed this way
nobody knew it
not the father
and not the teachers and wise men
not the holy sacrificial songs! They knew everything
the Brahmans and their holy books
they knew everything
they had taken care of everything and of more than everything
the creation of the world
the origin of speech
of food
of inhaling
of exhaling
the arrangement of the senses
the acts of the gods
they knew infinitely much--but was it valuable to know all of this
not knowing that one and only thing
the most important thing
the solely important thing?

Surely
many verses of the holy books
particularly in the Upanishades of Samaveda
spoke of this innermost and ultimate thing
wonderful verses. "Your soul is the whole world"
was written there
and it was written that man in his sleep
in his deep sleep
would meet with his innermost part and would reside in the Atman. Marvellous wisdom was in these verses
all knowledge of the wisest ones had been collected here in magic words
pure as honey collected by bees. No
not to be looked down upon was the tremendous amount of enlightenment which lay here collected and preserved by innumerable generations of wise Brahmans.-- But where were the Brahmans
where the priests
where the wise men or penitents
who had succeeded in not just knowing this deepest of all knowledge but also to live it? Where was the knowledgeable one who wove his spell to bring his familiarity with the Atman out of the sleep into the state of being awake
into the life
into every step of the way
into word and deed? Siddhartha knew many venerable Brahmans
chiefly his father
the pure one
the scholar
the most venerable one. His father was to be admired
quiet and noble were his manners
pure his life
wise his words
delicate and noble thoughts lived behind its brow --but even he
who knew so much
did he live in blissfulness
did he have peace
was he not also just a searching man
a thirsty man? Did he not
again and again
have to drink from holy sources
as a thirsty man
from the offerings
from the books
from the disputes of the Brahmans? Why did he
the irreproachable one
have to wash off sins every day
strive for a cleansing every day
over and over every day? Was not Atman in him
did not the pristine source spring from his heart? It had to be found
the pristine source in one's own self
it had to be possessed! Everything else was searching
was a detour
was getting lost.

Thus were Siddhartha's thoughts
this was his thirst
this was his suffering.

Often he spoke to himself from a Chandogya-Upanishad the words: "Truly
the name of the Brahman is satyam--verily
he who knows such a thing
will enter the heavenly world every day." Often
it seemed near
the heavenly world
but never he had reached it pletely
never he had quenched the ultimate thirst. And among all the wise and wisest men
he knew and whose instructions he had received
among all of them there was no one
who had reached it pletely
the heavenly world
who had quenched it pletely
the eternal thirst.

"Govinda
" Siddhartha spoke to his friend
"Govinda
my dear
e with me under the Banyan tree
let's practise meditation."

They went to the Banyan tree
they sat down
Siddhartha right here
Govinda enty paces away. While putting himself down
ready to speak the Om
Siddhartha repeated murmuring the verse:

Om is the bow
the arrow is soul
The Brahman is the arrow's target
That one should incessantly hit.

After the usual time of the exercise in meditation had passed
Govinda rose. The evening had e
it was time to perform the evening's ablution. He called Siddhartha's name. Siddhartha did not answer. Siddhartha sat there lost in thought
his eyes were rigidly focused towards a very distant target
the tip of his tongue was protruding a little beeen the teeth
he seemed not to breathe. Thus sat he
wrapped up in contemplation
thinking Om
his soul sent after the Brahman as an arrow.

Once
Samanas had travelled through Siddhartha's town
ascetics on a pilgrimage
three skinny
withered men
neither old nor young
with dusty and bloody shoulders
almost naked
scorched by the sun
surrounded by loneliness
strangers and enemies to the world
strangers and lank jackals in the realm of humans. Behind them blew a hot scent of quiet passion
of destructive service
of merciless self-denial.

In the evening
after the hour of contemplation
Siddhartha spoke to Govinda: "Early tomorrow morning
my friend
Siddhartha will go to the Samanas. He will bee a Samana."