悉达多讲的什么 名著精读:《悉达多》-沙门(1)

名著精读:《悉达多》-沙门(1)  

"You have e
" said Siddhartha and smiled.

"I have e
" said Govinda.

WITH THE SAMANAS

In the evening of this day they caught up with the ascetics
the skinny Samanas
and offered them their panionship and--obedience. They were accepted.

Siddhartha gave his garments to a poor Brahman in the street. He wore nothing more than the loincloth and the earth-coloured
unsown cloak. He ate only once a day
and never something cooked. He fasted for fifteen days. He fasted for enty-eight days. The flesh waned from his thighs and cheeks. Feverish dreams flickered from his enlarged eyes
long nails grew slowly on his parched fingers and a dry
shaggy beard grew on his chin. His glance turned to icy when he encountered women; his mouth itched with contempt
when he walked through a city of nicely dressed people. He saw merchants trading
princes hunting
mourners wailing for their dead
whores offering themselves
physicians trying to help the sick
priests determining the most suitable day for seeding
lovers loving
mothers nursing their children--and all of this was not worthy of one look from his eye
it all lied
it all stank
it all stank of lies
it all pretended to be meaningful and joyful and beautiful
and it all was just concealed putrefaction. The world tasted bitter. Life was torture.

A goal stood before Siddhartha
a single goal: to bee empty
empty of thirst
empty of wishing
empty of dreams
empty of joy and sorrow. Dead to himself
not to be a self any more
to find tranquility with an emptied heard
to be open to miracles in unselfish thoughts
that was his goal. Once all of my self was overe and had died
once every desire and every urge was silent in the heart
then the ultimate part of me had to awake
the innermost of my being
which is no longer my self
the great secret.

Silently
Siddhartha exposed himself to burning rays of the sun directly above
glowing with pain
glowing with thirst
and stood there
until he neither felt any pain nor thirst any more. Silently
he stood there in the rainy season
from his hair the water was dripping over freezing shoulders
over freezing hips and legs
and the penitent stood there
until he could not feel the cold in his shoulders and legs any more
until they were silent
until they were quiet. Silently
he cowered in the thorny bushes
blood dripped from the burning skin
from festering wounds dripped pus
and Siddhartha stayed rigidly
stayed motionless
until no blood flowed any more
until nothing stung any more
until nothing burned any more.

Siddhartha sat upright and learned to breathe sparingly
learned to get along with only few breathes
learned to stop breathing. He learned
beginning with the breath
to calm the beat of his heart
leaned to reduce the beats of his heart
until they were only a few and almost none.

Instructed by the oldest if the Samanas
Siddhartha practised self-denial
practised meditation
according to a new Samana rules. A heron flew over the bamboo forest--and Siddhartha accepted the heron into his soul
flew over forest and mountains
was a heron
ate fish
felt the pangs of a heron's hunger
spoke the heron's croak
died a heron's death. A dead jackal was lying on the sandy bank
and Siddhartha's soul slipped inside the body
was the dead jackal
lay on the banks
got bloated
stank
decayed
was dismembered by hyaenas
was skinned by vultures
turned into a skeleton
turned to dust
was blown across the fields. And Siddhartha's soul returned
had died
had decayed
was scattered as dust
had tasted the gloomy intoxication of the cycle
awaited in new thirst like a hunter in the gap
where he could escape from the cycle
where the end of the causes
where an eternity without suffering began. He killed his senses
he killed his memory
he slipped out of his self into thousands of other forms
was an animal
was carrion
was stone
was wood
was water
and awoke every time to find his old self again
sun shone or moon
was his self again
turned round in the cycle
felt thirst
overcame the thirst
felt new thirst.

Siddhartha learned a lot when he was with the Samanas
many ways leading away from the self he learned to go. He went the way of self-denial by means of pain
through voluntarily suffering and overing pain
hunger
thirst
tiredness. He went the way of self-denial by means of meditation
through imagining the mind to be void of all conceptions. These and other ways he learned to go
a thousand times he left his self
for hours and days he remained in the non-self. But though the ways led away from the self
their end nevertheless always led back to the self. Though Siddhartha fled from the self a thousand times
stayed in nothingness
stayed in the animal
in the stone
the return was inevitable
inescapable was the hour
when he found himself back in the sunshine or in the moonlight
in the shade or in the rain
and was once again his self and Siddhartha
and again felt the agony of the cycle which had been forced upon him.