悉达多悟到了什么 名著精读:《悉达多》-在河边(5)

名著精读:《悉达多》-在河边(5)  

Govinda looked at the friend of his youth for a long time
with doubt in his eYes. After that
he gave him the salutation which one would use on a gentleman and went on his way.
With a smiling face
Siddhartha watched him leave
he loved him still
this faithful man
this fearful man. And how could he not have loved everybody and everything in this moment
in the glorious hour after his wonderful sleep
filled with Om! The enchantment
which had happened inside of him in his sleep and by means of the Om
was this very thing that he loved everything
that he was full of joyful love for everything he saw. And it was this very thing
so it seemed to him now
which had been his sickness before
that he was not able to love anybody or anything.
With a smiling face
Siddhartha watched the leaving monk. The sleep had strengthened him much
but hunger gave him much pain
for by now he had not eaten for o days
and the times were long past when he had been tough against hunger. With sadness
and yet also with a smile
he thought of that time. In those days
so he remembered
he had boasted of three three things to Kamala
had been able to do three noble and undefeatable feats: fasting--waiting--thinking. These had been his possession
his power and strength
his solid staff; in the busy
laborious years of his youth
he had learned these three feats
nothing else. And now
they had abandoned him
none of them was his any more
neither fasting
nor waiting
nor thinking. For the most wretched things
he had given them up
for what fades most quickly
for sensual lust
for the good life
for riches! His life had indeed been strange. And now
so it seemed
now he had really bee a childlike person.
Siddhartha thought about his situation. Thinking was hard on him
he did not really feel like it
but he forced himself.
Now
he thought
since all these most easily perishing things have slipped from me again
now I'm standing here under the sun again just as I have been standing here a little child
nothing is mine
I have no abilities
there is nothing I could bring about
I have learned nothing. How wondrous is this! Now
that I'm no longer young
that my hair is already half gray
that my strength is fading
now I'm starting again at the beginning and as a child! Again
he had to smile. Yes
his fate had been strange! Things were going downhill with him
and now he was again facing the world void and naked and stupid. But he could not feed sad about this
no
he even felt a great urge to laugh
to laugh about himself
to laugh about this strange
foolish world.